dreams, discussions, & plans for 2023

*taps mic*…uhhh is this thing on? umm this is awkward…so it’s been exactly a year…i know in my last post i said it was gonna take a little time for me to find my voice, so posts will be infrequent but they are coming. well…I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS GONNA TAKE A WHOLE YEAR sjfsdhksd my life is different now and I wish I could go back in time and hold my old self’s hand and tell her things will turn out fine. she really needed it. honestly my present self needs a hand to hold too…but that’s another topic we’ll discuss (or not).

My thoughts have been extremely volatile since the last time we spoke and my attention span has gone to shit. I deleted tiktok to salvage my broken brain, but I still struggle with paying attention and finding healthier ways to spend my free time. I’m hoping this step to revive my blog will be helpful. It hasn’t been that long but so much has happened and I feel like I’m a different person now. However, I don’t think that’s entirely true and it’s just that the events of 2022 have really impacted my life. Originally, I was gonna write a review of 2022 and go over hardships and highlights, but it feels repetitive. I did like the comfort of familiarity on this platform, but this year I want to talk about different things.

I think Namjoon’s new album, Indigo, has really reassured, validated, and organized my feelings about my life in my twenties and I feel less of an urge to only share stuff that happened in the past. I feel as if we’re constantly catching up, we’ll forget about the things happening in the present. It is absolutely true that people are busy and it’s relieving to have someone to sit next to as we both summarize what has happened. However, I would rather spend my energy talking about a mix of the past, present, and future because that is who I am. It is pretty common that I use this blog as a catch up to life and when I go back to reread my blogposts, I don’t feel satisfied. I feel as if this makes me lose motivation because I’m only seeing one small aspect of my being: the past. Consequently, I go on a long break again and it’s this incessant cycle that I can’t escape from.

Anyway, I’m not sure if all of that make sense but I only hope to use this blog as a diary or conduit to friendship. Committing to diaries and friendships require immense effort and consistency otherwise it’s just this battle of trying to catch up and possibly losing interest in each other because we don’t click anymore. I want to bring writing back into my life because I don’t want to lose a friend.

For this post, I’ve decided to dive deeper with my bujo spread titled “2023 plans” and give a brief overview of my dreams page. Both of these pages are low-stakes and if I don’t accomplish my plans, it will be fine! anyway hold onto your butts, this will be a long ride.

~2023 PLANS~

creativity + social media + hobbies

• make time for hobbies: scrapbooking, making bracelets/bookmarks, digital journaling
• post ig stories + posts but don’t feel pressured to!
• make power points for interests (kdrama + reading)

The most important aspect of my 2022 was all about grad school; researching my options, applying, making financial plans, moving/finding roommates (yeah, yeah i got into grad school -_-), getting back into studying, making social + professional connections, working, internship research and on and on has consumed my mind. I lost a huge part of my personhood, which is indulging in myself. I have always enjoyed solitude and I think going through this whole process has given me emotional damage in the sense that I have low-key forgotten how to be alone and love myself. This sounds absolutely dramatic fjkdsfkj but I think the loneliness of grad school has really made me crave the attention and approval of other people. While that is super normal and people deserve those things from others, I think it’s become a little toxic for me. I also think this is a very common experience when someone devotes their life to academia (or capitalism). You kind of get obsessed with how other’s perceive you and you kind of wanna always be the best and I think it’s incredibly tiring.

I believe indulging in myself will help me with confidence and self-efficacy. So, this year I would like to make spreads!! And that doesn’t mean bullet journaling because thankfully I don’t have a problem with that. I have not touched my spreads journal since 2021??? Idk it’s been a long long time. I would like to make more bracelets!! I’m not sure if I mentioned this here, but I got into making those string bracelets from the early 2000s and I haven’t made one since forever. I would like to make bookmarks!! This is kind of like making spreads because I use different things from my stationary collection and it’s fun to sit at my desk and forget about the world for a little while to make things for my friends. I want to start digital journaling!! For the longest time, I’ve struggled to include an in depth reading and tv log in my journals, but I think making power points is a great solution (maybe i’ll show you sometime). What are some things you do to indulge in yourself?

reading plans

• read 100 books!
• write reviews for every book I read even if it’s just a few sentences
• reading highlights on ig story
• read diversely: more translated fiction, LGBTQ+ representation, Pakistani characters, new genres

I don’t think going too in depth with these plans is super necessary since they are self-explanatory and I do have plans to talk about them throughout the year (inshallah, I really hope blogging becomes a thing this year). I know some of them sound very ambitious, but guys come on…I’m a grad student now; we are snobby little pricks. I’m just kidding jsfhdsfhdsk (or am i O – O ) but I think it’s a fun little motivator to pick up a book rather than my phone. ALSO, if I break it down, it’s very doable!! Over the course of 11 or 12 years, it’s common that I read at least 50 books a year when I’m low-key trying, which is about one book a week. If I’m high-key trying, I can read two books a week and the second books doesn’t HAVE to be a chapter book! It can be graphic novels (which I’ve been loving in 2022). I think these goals are VERY doable when they are broken down. What are some of your reading goals??

health + religion + life

• long nature walks
• surah book/journal for memorization
• finish the quran + listen to quran while studying/working
• enjoy solitude!! it’s okay to be alone<3
• decrease bitter energy and increase discipline
• stay optimistic yet embrace loneliness + sad feelings during the rough moments
• drink lots of water + make good food decisions
• make saturday as the one day you don’t work/study

There’s still lots to add to this list because it’s such a broad and complex topic. however, this is what I have so far and I think it’s a pretty good list! I’ve said this in the past but I don’t really make specific goals for this topic rather general reminders where I can make mini reminders (if wanted) for specific months in my bullet journal. This method takes off a LOT of unnecessary expectation and pressure for new years. I could go into detail with each reminder but mehhhhh i think yall can figure it out and that also gives me room to make other blogposts related to one of these reminders. feel free to start a discussion in the comments; I’m more than happy to explain and I would like to know how you would implement these reminders in your life if you wanted to!

~2023 DREAMS~

I’d rather not publicly share my dreams but I thought it’d be fun to share some harmless ones. I want to thank ohnonina for inspiring me to make a dream page in my bullet journal. I also want to thank Min Yoongi for reminding me that it’s okay to not only not have a dream/passion in life but to also dream as an adult. Before I share mine, I have to ask, what are some of your harmless dreams for 2023?

• start a novel
• adopt an elderly cat
• fall in love hehehehe
• see bts (any member) in concert
• dress up! (only for me)
• become a podcast listener
• buy another bts album

Alllllrightttt, that’s it gang! Congratulations on making it to the end of this post and it was really good to talk to you again:) I hope to keep up with this blog and share fun and dumb things about my life. Enjoy this photo of yoongi punching you (with love, i swear).

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